Friday, November 27, 2009

Awesome Amazon.com Product Reviews...




So I came across this very interesting item from Smith and Wesson... I found it after randomly stumbling across this forum post from the democraticunderground.com. The item in question is a black 'tactical' ink pen, you know the type you would use to down an assailant when you don't have anything else handy.  Well I thought this was kind of funny since... you know... practically speaking... a standard ball point pen is probably just as effective (although not as cool).  Then I saw this random review off of amazon for the Cristal Stic Ballpoint Pen made by BIC.  Then I started reading the reviews.. and started laughing... the first one is kind of interesting, but the rest just get better and better.

Here are some excerpts:

By 
donniedarko "donnie" (Chattanooga, TN USA) - See all my reviews
Do you recall the old Bic commercials where they fire a Bic pen into a piece of wood and it still writes? Well I do, but I never really believed it. That is, until I had the necessary task of defending my life with the aid of a Bic pen. Coming home and alarming an intruder, I found myself locked in mortal combat with a very large man who was intent on killing me. My only weapon was the Bic Cristal ballpoint pen I routinely carry in the breast pocket of my starched white pinpoint oxford button down.

I was able to successfully insert my Bic Cristal ballpoint pen into the esophogial area of my attacker's throat and incapacitate him until the constables arrived to take him into custody. Paramedics removed the pen from his throat and returned it to me. Rather amazingly, I wiped the blood and a small amount of body tissue from the pen and used it to write my police statement.

Though not commonly considered a weapon of self defense, my Bic Cristal ballpoint pen proved to me the old adage that "the pen is mightier than the sword." (I must admit though, that I would have far preferred a sword had I the option to choose beforehand.) All in all, a five star rating for this dual-use pen.
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Ok so that review seems kind of bad ass... then it gets ridiculous/awesome

4.0 out of 5 stars WARNING: Pen barrel is not full of champagne , December 14, 2007
By 
K. Laurie "Writer/Reader" (CA, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

I was so incredibly excited when I saw that Bic had created a Cristal Ballpoint Pen! Long have I lamented the fact that writing makes me terribly thirsty. I thought they had finally listened to my pleas and placed a quick sip of beverage within the barrel. And of Cristal Champagne! I never expected such extravagance! You can only imagine my disappointment when I learned that Cristal refers to the plastic barrel instead.

Still, the pen has never protested my use of it, and has not written any slanderous things about me like my last one. The only reason I am leaving a star off is for the Cristal misnomer.
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Then someone talks about their 'intergalactic journey with the BIC pen...


5.0 out of 5 stars Carried me across the universe and back, January 11, 2008
When I decided to run away from home and catch a ride on a falling star, I never knew how handy my BIC Pen would come in. I landed somewhere near the Puonfain Distric in the Saund Galaxy, and without the proper currency I had to get a job.

I filled out the application with my pen, worked for several months until I met a local delivery man. He gave me a ride on his star cruiser to another planet, which I happily explored.

I spent the next 5 years traveling across the universe, hitchhiking, bumming rides off Gorlocks and Pinds, and writing about my adventures with my handy BIC pen.

I also used my pen on occasion to defend myself against attackers, pry open circuit breakers and other obstacles, fix a few things, and amaze a Loiukian who had never seen a pen before.

Then, I fell in love. A kind Murgol with sandy blonde hair stole my heart, and I used my pen to write him a long love letter. He worked hard to save enough money for us to get married, and we both used the pen to write our nuptials and sign our names on the Gorgin Wedding Certificate.

After my 6 year journey, I am pleased to say I am back home on Earth with my Husband, and am expecting my first child. I've published my book, Memoirs of a Celestial BIC Pen, and it's a big seller.

Thanks to this pen, I was able to write my book, several job applications, a few minor notes, some misc. writings, and best of all, it never ran out of ink. Thanks BIC, and my Husband says, in his language, "Bo' Du "Hava Locing." (Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish)






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